Ritual

Wow, has it been that long? Almost four months of not blogging has made this space stale, I know. I’m not promising more entries, but this moment is a good time to return.

Not much is happening externally – still teaching yoga, still writing professionally, still tending to the practical side of everyday life – but my internal world is being rocked by new insights, perspectives and challenges. WHOA. I can’t say I’m loving all of it, but I’m so grateful for the opportunities to learn about myself, the Self and the worlds I inhabit inside and out.

Let me explain, please.

I’ve always thought of myself as straddling the divide between the practical and the mystical. At least, that’s what I try to do.

I see myself as still pragmatic and one who prefers preparedness in dealing with unforeseen events. I have no intention of retreating from bills, jobs, professionalism, modern science and its breakthroughs, hard news and politics. I love spirited and respectful discussions with people whose views are different from mine. I’m still fascinated by the global financial system (despite my passionate hatred for math) and the follies of Wall Street. I watch lots of television because I thrive in hoarding information. So, yes, part of me lives in the intellect. If, however, I go too deep into this world, my desire for control and status reemerge, my reliance on (false) security becomes greater and the results are anxiety over what lies ahead and rejection of the past. Not healthy.

And then there’s the side of me who immerses in magical thinking, dreams, creates, feels, intuits and goes with the flow. It takes risks simply because they need to be taken and not for any other gain; stays in certain situations and sees them through without the guarantee of success or despite the certainty of failure; and lets her heart lead the way by feeling through really tough decisions. This side of me has gotten me into very sticky situations at times – emotionally, physically, financially – and one that is both misunderstood and appreciated. It is what calls out to the Universe and surrenders to its will. Do I see a downside to living this way? Well, there’s the threat of masochism and the tendency to escape into Fantasy Land, which the pragmatic side thinks is a nutty way to live.

Last Friday, however, my magically inclined self took over in a big way. There was a total solar eclipse on the Equinox. It was also the beginning of a new moon. My inner Glinda the Good Witch rejoiced! What a perfect time to perform a ritual! No, this did not involve eye of newt, toe of frog, wool of bat or tongue of dog. There was, though, a lot of writing, purging, letter-destruction, meditating, ice cream, internal and external housecleaning, dishwashing, candle-lighting, warm bathing and silence. Did I mention ice cream? There were tears, of course, because the past needed to be washed away for it not to haunt us again.

My pragmatic self prevents me from fully subscribing to astrology. I can’t bring myself to believe that I and a gazillion people share the same fate and characteristics. (Ego alert!) I do believe in the power of intention and perfect timing, as well as the importance of symbolism. I encourage everyone to honor a tough situation by giving it a proper send-off. Although it’s always better to involve the people who are part of it, sometimes that’s not possible. So, get creative. Dance, sing, write a kilometric letter, cook your favorite dish, piece together a diorama using matchsticks, write poetry, take a long walk, get some crayons and make a story board with stick drawings of yourself and them… whatever. Do it your way and see what happens. It doesn’t need to be on an eclipse or any particular time, but if you prefer for it to coincide with an occasion that’s important to you, go ahead.

I can’t say the niggling negative gremlins in my head are not there anymore. I’ve accepted that they’re not house guests I can readily shoo away; they’ve become more like permanent residents that have to be tamed and understood. Right now, they’re quiet, like fed cats. When they act up, I’ll be ready for them. (Believe me, they do get rambunctious.)

A friend and I were emailing each other the other day about our word for the year — even though we’re midway through 2015. I already had a word in January, but I’m changing it. This half-year, it will be…

…ALLOW.

And because I’ve emptied myself out, I’m now ready to be filled up. Fear and trepidation are still there but I see them now as teachers — allies in the quest towards self-realization. Without them to conquer, how would we reach wholeness?

I’ve come to the conclusion that the most pragmatic thing a person could do is to think magically, and to do it with ice cream on hand.

Comments

  1. lydia bautista says:

    thanks for sharing. yes we all need to purge to move forward, excess luggage will weigh us down. keep writing miss malagu. love your blog. tita lydia

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